Hey guys. Sorry I haven’t been able to blog lately. I’ve been so busy and I never have chances to actually blog on something. I’m actually writing a book called “The Five Stages To Finding Yourself” at the moment and it’s based on a true story. If you want to, you can read it on fictionpress.com. The link is fictionpress.com/~thehardcorexrocker. Of course, I’m still writing a lot of poems. I’ve been able to write a lot lately. Anyways, I’ve had a hectic schedule in a past three weeks.
To the point. As you can see, this blog has been titled “On The One Year Point”. My reason is that exactly one year ago, something triggered me to go into a depression that I’ve been fighting. It’s been a hard year where I don’t know myself. I usually refer it to when I lost myself. I wrote a poem today. Actually, when I think about it, it’s no wonder why I’ve been in a horrible mood today. Of course! That makes perfect sense. Anyways, here is my little poem. Enjoy.
On The One Year Point
I walk down this highway to disaster
For this past year I’ve been broken
You never realized this happening
All you can see is the facade that I have used
My dreams have finally been shattered
There is no such thing as a happy ending
Understand that I can’t deal with this
This pain is something unreal
Who would have thought I’d be this way?
Discover the truth behind the lies I’ve told you
I hate to cry because it shows weakness
Anger is always boiling within me
Frustration is always getting to me
Try to peel away the person you know I am
You’ll see that I’m emotionally dead
I can’t understand why this is happening to me
Did I do something horribly wrong?
We were always trying to keep together
Trying to remember all the good times
When all we would do was smile our hearts out
These memories are all I have left
Don’t forget that I will never be the same
Nothing is going to bring me back
I can’t breathe in this contaminated air
With the deceit and lies surrounding me
Let me fall into the never-ending hole
Know that there is no place for me here
Leaving out the best and worst of me
Don’t compete with my words of heartbreak
I’m done waiting for the light
It’s too hard to move my frown into a smile
Common sense is nothing without logic
My logic has been twisted because of this
Can I scream into the dark silence?
Scream that I’m dying on the inside
My dark brown eyes are clouded with doubt
All I hear are people telling me to be myself
How can that be when I don’t know who I am?
Look at the circumstantial evidence
See that I have dramatically changed
It’s time for you to see what I have become
There are no taking chances with life
Time will never stop for something gone wrong
Stopping the earth from rotating is impossible
Here comes the deadline for the end
I try to procure tears to show my feeling
This heart has become too cold for touch
Reach into my soul even when it’s buried
I won’t be six feet under all of you
But you’ll be wondering where I’ve gone
When I jump off and become a living memory
Anyways, that’s it for me right now. I’ll update as soon as I can. Probably in a week, I hope. See you later.
- Ashley [thehardcorexrocker]
P.S. I probably won’t finish the last blog until Christmas Break.
P.S.S. If you want to check out my poems, check it out at: http://www.bebo.com/TFBHP
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